I have two daughters, Shey, 13 and Heather, 7. Mom-ing is the best and hardest job ever and one that I take tremendous pride in and love very much.
At the time of this book being published, I am completing my second divorce. I've divorced two husbands in two decades and have two daughters; one with each of them.
Much of who I am, how I think, act and operate is because of my upbringing in Detroit(West Side, off Dexter).It's my pronoun, love language, spirit animal and vibe.
I have ALWAYS wanted to write a book. I NEVER thought that book would be about divorce.
In December, 2019, Facebook reminded me that 10 years prior, on that day, my FIRST divorce was finalized. I hadn't blogged since getting married (for the second time) in 2012 and felt like I should talk about what was going on with me so I wrote a blog inspired by Big Sean's song Single Again and posted it to Facebook.
I'm an admitted over-sharer but the tumultuous relationships that I had been in weren't always something that I was super vocal about, mainly because it's embarrassing! Being divorced not once, but facing another one? BUT! That's what resonated with people.
I've always believed that there is value in being vulnerable and it turns out that the thing that I'm MOST vulnerable about is the subject of my very first book.
BreakUp Without Smearing Your MakeUp is about the steps that got me through Divorce #1 and what I am learning as I navigate Divorce #2.
D- Decide What You Want
I- Invite Forgiveness
V- Value Yourself
O-Open Your Heart
C-Clean Your House
E-Execute On Your Goals
These steps have changed everything about mine and my daughters' lives since my breakup and things have never been better despite the uncertainty that divorce often introduces. To go from having two incomes, companionship and the expectation of, if nothing else, someone to be your emergency contact, to NOTHING, hasn't been easy. But it has been peaceful, fulfilling and has drawn me that much closer to God.
I think this book will help women because despite having two husbands, two daughters and two divorces in two decades, I am NOT bitter. I wish I could say that my lack of bitterness is because my exes and I have figured out a way to co-parent in a mature and healthy way. That my daughters have strong relationships with their fathers... That is not the case. The truth is, I am 100% alone and unsupported by BOTH, yes both of my 'baby daddies' (babies' daddies?)
I do not get child support from either. My first husband hasn't seen his daughter since 2014. My soon to be ex-husband hasn't seen his daughter since November of 2019. He hasn't called or text her since January. I have no idea if he's incarcerated or alive, even. It's sad.
But I realize that their shortcomings have nothing to do with me or our daughters. The best thing I can do is continue to pray for them, to hope that they will have the desire to redeem their relationships with their daughters and for my next marriage to someone who respects, relishes and looks forward to being a father figure to them.
Despite two failed marriages, I am optimistic about what is to come and, I believe, that this book can help you if you are in a similar situation.
You can see more about me on Instagram (@AchshaSoAndSo) and more about the small businesses that I run too (@LunchBrake & @BrakeTimeTours).